Why I Am Supposed To Be An Assassin

1. I have two insurance cards. My parents switched insurances or something, and we had to get new cards. The company messed my name up on the first one, so sent another. I now have two.



2. I have two birth certificates. I do not know why.



3. My name is spelled incorrectly on, I believe, both certificates.



4. I was not given a social security card at birth like normal people are. I got mine when I was fifteen. However, my name is spelled correctly.



5. I recently lost my driver's license. After literally emptying my purse out and searching through the contents ten times or so, and turning my bedroom upside-down looking for it, and then finally going to get a new license... I discovered my old license sitting neatly on top of a piece of paper, in my purse, the other night after eating at Red Robin with a friend.



6. Therefore, I have two licenses.



7. I believe this is the most important. I have no fingerprints. Over the summer, I signed up to be a classified substitute for the school district. Part of the application process was that I had to be fingerprinted. The computer system would not take my fingerprints, because they are apparently not clear enough to be identified. For simplicity's sake, the woman fingerprinting me manually accepted the prints on the computer, but I am still unidentifiable.

Lucky for her, I was a kind citizen and corrected her when she misspelled my name in the computer. That would have been reason number eight (my unidentifiable fingerprints linked to a different name), but my kind heart and respect for her job leaves me with only seven reasons.

But really, who else has seven reasons why they should be a hitman?
Forget writing. Killing is obviously my destiny.