Trusting God Is Easier When It's Easy

Sometimes, things happen that I don't particularly appreciate. These things make trusting God that much harder, because they feel a bit like he's just pulled an awful prank on me. I'm not laughing.

I was not going to talk about this, because I didn't want questions, but I need to write this out to make sense of what I'm thinking. So you get to learn it all, anyway.

Deborah Reber, the woman whom I mentioned back in October that I was emailing about a memoir, emailed me back last Friday. After four months of hearing nothing from her, I had taken it as a pretty solid "You're not what I was looking for." But then, last Friday, she emailed me out of the blue and told me that she was very impressed with the writing sample I sent her, and would like me to send her a couple journal entries, so that she could see the style the book would take if I were to write it. I, of course, sent her journal entries. She, of course, has not emailed me back. It was almost exciting news.

Before that, a lady came into work and prophesied over me. That is a story in and of itself, but to sum it up, she told me God was going to open doors for me. I saw the paragraph above as a door that was opened, until it was promptly shut in my face, due to Deborah's lack of response. Sure, I might be impatient. Or she might have found someone else.

Also, I landed a job at Waldenbooks this holiday season. As far as non-writing jobs go, this is about as good as it gets. I love working there. God gave me a great job. Problem is, there are about five people competing for the only open non-seasonal position. And, seeing as how I'm not working at all this week, I'm taking that as a hint to start looking for another job.

The awesome part is the fact that my ability to go to school, which is, apparently, really important, rests solely on me having a job to pay for said school. So, essentially, no job means no money for school, which really makes me wonder why I gave that tithe money last Sunday. God might smite me for saying that, but he already got rid of my means of getting through school, and apparently I'm worthless without a degree. So it all works out.

The funny thing about all this is, I'm not that upset. I sound upset, I'm sure. And I am concerned about finding a job, because it's going to be nearly impossible. But something keeps telling me there must be a reason for this. I want to ignore that something, because that would make it a lot easier to just be mad at God and get on with it already. But I'm having a hard time staying mad, which is actually quite frustrating.

On the up side, I now I have a ton of time to work on my story for the PNWA contest in February. But don't tell me that me entering that contest is part of God's plan, because God and I both know I'm not going to finish my book in time for it. It's worth a go, though.

I'm going to bed. Let me know if you know of any jobs in Albany that aren't fast food. Isn't that what I'm going to college to avoid? It would just be too ironic if fast food ended up funding my schooling. Goodnight, and sorry this post was almost as un-insightful as the last. Blame my writing classes for draining all my creativity.