The Best Forward Ever!

A SPECIAL THANKS !
> >
> > I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble
> > to send me your chain letters over the past several years. Thank you for
> > making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
> >
> >
> > Because of your concern...
> >
> >
> > I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet
> > stains.
> >
> >
> > I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make
> > these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
> >
> >
> > I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
> > cancer.
> >
> >
> > I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could
> > be
> > pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
> >
> >
> > I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
> > like a water buffalo on a hot day.
> >
> >
> > I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me
> > with a Perfume sample and rob me.
> >
> >
> >
> > I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
> > actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
> >
> >
> > I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't
> > support
> > our troops.
> >
> >
> >
> > I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial
> > a
> > stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with
> > calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
> >
> >
> > I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they
> > contain will turn me gay.
> >
> >
> > I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
> >
> > mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
> >
> >
> > I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my
> > kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
> >
> >
> > Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers
> > if I
> > forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5
> > minutes.
> >
> >
> > I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
> > who has been dying for the past seven years.
> >
> >
> > I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
> > receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
> > participating in their special e-mail program.
> >
> >
> > I will now return the favor.
> >
> > If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the
> > next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at
> > 5:00 pm and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits.
> >
> > I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend
> > of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer.



I was laughing soooooooo hard!