Thursday, December 29, 2005

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year!

First of all, I hope you all had a merry Christmas! Mine was very different this year.

I went to the coast with my mom, dad, and sister and met up with Tom(my dad's twin), Kumi(aunt), Alex(cousin), and Kumi's parents, who are from Korea and speak nearly no English. There was a definite language barier. I felt kind of bad because they would try to tell us something and we wouldn't understand, or the other way around. Although I have to admit, it was a tad amusing when Alex, who is only 3, was trying to call his grandpa in for dinner...in English. He just kept yelling "COME IN FOR DINNER!!" over and over again. But he's a smart kid, even if he does use Korean and English in the same sentences(his teachers will have fun with that later on). Honestly though, how many 3 year olds use the word "awful"? So, anyway, it was pretty cool because I learned some new things about Korean culture, and anything Asian in any way interests me. I learned that when you toast, you go under their glasses to show respect, and if you want to be really respectful you hold your glass with two hands. Alex would bow whenever he said "thank you" to them. I almost learned how to say "thank you" in Korean, I said it once, to Kumi's parents, but couldn't quite retain that bit of info.

So after we ate and exchanged gifts and stuff we went back to our hotel and stayed the night there and then set off in the morning, to grandma's house we went to celebrate Christmas with my mom's side of the family. Of course Raynel, my uncle, teased me about Evan, and Alyssa and Tia were inquiring as to who my boyfriend was, but it was fun. I saw a short video clip of Raynel, trying to go off of a skate ramp(I thought he was going to face-plant into a tree...he came very close), on Tia's cell phone and I was laughing my guts out. And then there were all these pictures where it looked like he was doing some really awesome jump or something, but really he would just jump up and someone would throw the skateboard under his feet and take the picture really quick. They looked pretty convincing, so it was funny. Most of my gifts there were books(Raynel told me not to bother reading them because they would all be movies eventually anyway, but I'm a bookworm) and CD's. My second Christmas was just as good as the first, I love being with family.

So then, *as you all moan and say "my eyes hurt!!"* my mom and dad and sister and I did our own little Christmas on Monday with just the four of us. Nothin beats homemade doughnuts first thing in the morning. My sister and I got my mom a toaster, and she was thrilled. We went picture crazy because my mom got a new camera. My dad was surprised with a tool chest thing(you expect me to know what it's called?) and a table saw. Sarah got a new golf bag, and I got a new bookcase, which is very good. And, although this wasn't a Christmas present, I get to move the big Indonesian fan hanging on our diningroom wall into my room, which is perfect, because it will match perfectly. So I'm excited about that.

And now I want to say HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! Even if I am a few days early...

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Wow

I found this book in my school library and I thought it looked pretty good, so I checked it out. It's called "Diary of a Teenage Girl: It's My Life" and I'm having such a hard time puting it down. I really feel like I can relate to what the main character is going through. Not her experiences, really...just the way she's feeling. Consider the following...it's an excerpt from the "diary"

"Wednesday, October 10 (ok, so no one's perfect)

Today in psychology class we learned about codependant personalities and now I'm afraid I might actually be one-- and let me tell you, it's not a pretty picture. But the good news is this personality disorder is preventable and curable, and I'm thinking if I nip it in the bud (not to mention going to God for help) I might be able to beat it. So what is codependent? At first I just thought it meant someone who depends on others too much, and I suppose that's partially right. But it's more like someone who thinks that they need to take care of everyone else and fix everything else to the point where their whole identity is tied up in caring and worrying about others. Sound familiar? And eventually they neglect themselves so much that they have no joy in living, and then they tend to just make everyone around them miserable with their guilt trips and meddling.
Well let me tell you, that's NOT what I want for my life. Not at all. No sireee! Now I'm trying to understand the difference between a person who is just naturally helpful and caring and one who's truly a codependent. And I'm just not sure exactly where I draw the line in myself. And I must admit that over just the last year, I've made myself almost sick with worry about others from time to time...

DEAR GOD, PLEASE SHOW ME THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALLY HELPING SOMEONE THE RIGHT WAY AND BEING CODEPENDENT. I THINK IF MY CARING AND LOVE COMES FROM YOU, I'LL BE OKAY. BUT I'M JUST NOT SURE I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. PLEASE SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE IN A WAY THAT IS HEALTHY AND PLEASING TO YOU. AMEN."


-Dairy of a Teenage Girl: It's My Life, pgs 162-164

There is so much more I would love to put up...but I would suggest just reading the whole book. I'm really really liking it. There's also a big summer mission trip she goes on, which I can equally relate to. Amazing.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Mission Statement

So last year in invert, we all came up with mission statements. It was really cool, helping everyone do theirs and listening to them help me with mine. I was happy with the end result.

My mission statement: My life will be centered on the needs of others.

I like it. I want it to be true...but what if I can't make it happen? People come to me with their problems, and I love that they trust me enough to do so, but all I can do is give them my opinion. I'm not a trained couselor, what if I say something wrong? What do I do when I really don't know what to say? My grandma almost went to the hospital this morning because she kept blacking out. How can I help there? I'm not a doctor. I don't know how to help people get better. There are people dying all over the world from hunger. What can I do to help that? Sure, I do the 30 Hour Famine, I do what I can, but I can only do so much. The needs of others are beyond my power.
I don't know why I started thinking about this now, but it's bugging me. I can't do all that I would like to, and I wonder...what if I can't live up to my mission statement?

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

It's...Christmas Time...I Guess...

Don't get me wrong...I love Christmas. Anyone who knows me knows that. It's just that all I can think about right now is all of the people I met working at Mission Possible in Vancouver. I wonder what they think of Christmas. Do they dread it? Or, despite their poverty, are they able to enjoy it still?
Christmas is the time to love. It says so in songs, on cards, and people talk about it...but Christmas seems to be the most selfish time of year. People get so caught up in getting, and decorating, and baking, and writing Christmas newsletters...the list goes on. These people I met this summer don't have the option of getting caught up in that. Maybe they get caught up in how they're going to make it through. Just how cold are they right now? Why should I get anything for Christmas if they don't?
I've always thought of the holidays as being so happy, but can they still be just as happy when you can't give your kid that doll she wants, or you can't make a big Christmas feast, or you can't roast chesnuts over a warm fire?
My life is so...easy. Sure, things can get crazy and stressfull preparing for holiday stuff, but the dominant feeling is still happiness. I look forward to Christmas all year long, because all I've ever known is a 'Merry Christmas' my whole life. But what if Christmas isn't so merry after all? What if it's only merry if you have the money to make it that way?
I can't even count how many times I've heard "Money doesn't buy happiness." But if that's true, why is our culture so focused on getting stuff, getting money? Has our world made that statement false? Have people lost all sense of real happiness? What really makes people happy these days?

Friday, December 02, 2005

Night

So we're reading this book in English class called Night, by Elie Wiesle, and it's about the Holocaust. Two chapters in, and I'm already crying.

Oh, yeah...this will be one of those books where I'm sobbing by the end. I know it...

And not only do I have to read this book and feel this mixture of emotions that is so confusing it's almost unbearable, but after every chapter I have to write a one page summary of my reaction to it. My reaction...

How do I put that into words? I don't think it's possible. So many thoughts and feelings whizzing through my head faster than I can process, it's enough to make me want to scream. Oh no, what I write down is just barely making a dent in what I feel...