Change Is In The Air

Something has changed in my life. Over the past several days, something has happened. What it is, I can't tell you. I have no idea. But something's changed. It's as if I've been living the past year in a haze and, suddenly, things are clear again.
Especially after coming back from New Orleans, I've really felt like I was purposeless. Or, not that I was purposeless, exactly, but that my purpose was in New Orleans. I wasn't ready to leave, not even close. And it's been really hard for me to let go and move on. Really, really hard. But something happened, and I finally have peace about coming back to little ol' Albany. That's not to say I wouldn't jump at a chance to go back to New Orleans. I still don't feel like I'm done there. I probably won't feel that way until the entire city is rebuilt. But I'm okay, for now, with letting someone else help out.
And, on top of the fact that I'm finally writing again, I've decided to stop trying to be rational and just go with what feels right.

I'm going to be a Creative Writing major. I've stopped telling myself that it could end up being a wasted effort if I don't make it big. I've stopped worrying about whether or not I'm 'good enough' to make it.
Or, at least, I've tried. That's a little longer in coming. Inadequacy has always been, and most likely always will be, one of my biggest fears in life. But I'm working on it.

James talked tonight about a man who loved to run. I thought it was kind of a funny story, at first. The man said that he understood God best when he was running. I didn't get it for awhile.
But then it hit me. That's me, when I'm writing.

It doesn't matter what I'm writing. I could be writing about my totally sucky day, and I still know that when I'm writing is when I feel the closest to God, because when I'm writing, I feel right. I understand myself, I understand my life, when I write. When I write, I feel like I have a purpose. Writing is just...who I am. In written words is where I am the most expressive, and creative, and real. It's where I am the most alive.
And it probably sounds ridiculous to anyone who doesn't feel the same way about writing as I do. But that's the best way I know how to explain it.